Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
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