and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
Randomize
