sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
I FOUND THE LEGS
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Randomize
