someone threw a dead crab at me
So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
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