i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
Randomize
