I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
Randomize
