Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
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