maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
Randomize