if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
Randomize
