Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
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