his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
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