i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
my sisters under your porch take her home
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
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