Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
Randomize
