dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
