hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
Randomize