Ambien. No doubt about it.
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
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