Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
Randomize
