You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
Randomize
