dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
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