why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
Randomize