alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
Randomize
