I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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