Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize
