i barfeds in our rink
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
Randomize