He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
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