I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
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