a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
just found out that she named her cat after me.
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
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