i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
