Small penises have feelings too.
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
Randomize
