It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
Randomize
