are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize
