Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
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