just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
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