I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
Randomize
