I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
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