I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
i drank out of a bidet.
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
