I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
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