Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
I'm at about main and main street
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
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