theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
Randomize