in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
Randomize
