Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
Randomize
