I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
Randomize
