shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
