please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
Randomize
