I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
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