It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
Randomize
