youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
Randomize
