I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
Dude, I woke up at my ex's house. I am spooning her half naked roommate. There is a pizza on my shoulder. I need you to come pick me up.
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
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