Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
Randomize