When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
