Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
Randomize
