Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
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