Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize