Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
