he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
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