I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
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