I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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