; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
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