His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
Randomize
