Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
me + whiskey = a bad person
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
Randomize
