im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
